


Hose Draggers vs. Donut Chasers

by Otter_poppy



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Curse, Canon-Typical Violence, Competitive, Deputy Nicole Haught, Deputy Wynonna, F/F, Firefighter Waverly, Nicole & Wynonna BroTP, just a little bit of Ewan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2019-08-23 23:44:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16628771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otter_poppy/pseuds/Otter_poppy
Summary: Its that time of year again! The Annual Purgatory Fire vs. Sheriff Department Football game is happening and this year  Purgatory's newest firefighter Waverly Earp is out to prove herself on the gridiron. But will she be able to capture the glory she seeks, or will the Sheriff's brightest upcoming Deputy Nicole Haught stand in her way?





	1. The Way You Make Me Feel

**Author's Note:**

> Hi ya'll! I hope you enjoy this! I've had this little one number stuck in my head for a while now, and I've finally had the time to get it out there. Its my first fic, so please be kind, but I would love love love to hear what you think about it though so don't be shy.
> 
> EDIT: Thank you everyone so much for kind feedback so far. I'm currently working on more chapters to continue playing in this world, so please stay tuned :) <3 Otter_poppy

The cold fall air stings her lungs as she Waverly peeks her head up from the huddle with Ewan and the boys trying to get a glimpse of auburn hair pulled back into a headband across the field.

“PROBIE! Get your head in here” Ewan barks.

Waverly snaps forward and squeezes tighter into the circle of firefighters gathered around staring waiting for Ewan to give the play. 

This was the Annual Purgatory Fire vs. Sheriff Department Football game. Throughout the years the rivalry has been heated, with Fire and Cops seamlessly exchanging the championship title each year. But lately the officers have had all the bragging rights winning the last two years in a row. This due in part to Purgatory’s Sheriff’s Department brightest red headed deputy, Nicole Haught, starting her second year on the force leading the team as QB, her arm being touted as the “quickest gun on the gridiron”, _this year was going to be different though_ , Waverly thought.

This year Ewan was the Captain for the Purgatory Fire Department, and after being 1st team all-conference in the Big City. Ewan had a plan to raise the Fire department back up to their former glory just like the phoenix rising up on the department emblem. Waverly was the first person Ewan hired on after being promoted to Captain. She finished first in all her fire academy classes and still holds the record for quickest time getting into full turnout gear plus apparatus. But her small size meant she was picked over after graduation, and it wasn’t until Ewan took a chance her that she finally landed a job with Purgatory Fire Department. She was determined to prove Ewan right, and show everyone what she was made of. 

It’s the fourth quarter. Eight seconds of playing time left, Fire and the Sheriffs are tied up the Sheriff’s need a touchdown to win. Sheriffs have the ball on the 15 yard line. The Purgatory High school football stadium is quiet, but both teams could feel the tension pulsing off of crowd packed into the old worn bleachers. With not much else to do in Small Town Purgatory, the whole town showed up to watch the Saturday night game. Everybody watching, waiting for glory or tragedy. 

Ewan lowers his voice, “This is it boys”. Waverly huffs and thinks. _At least I’m not being called probie._

Ewan a little bit louder starts again, “We HAVE to hold them here, they have no choice but to throw the ball. Its fourth down and they can’t risk not stopping the clock again. That means Red Haught over there is gonna be throwing it to Wynonna.”

Waverly can feel the whole team, except Ewan, wince at her name. Wynonna was the Sheriff’s newest deputy, and very quickly being known as it’s fiercest. Already well known around town for her abilities to get things done in her own unique way, she was recruited onto the department on a special cross border task force. She’s Waverly’s older sister which means Waverly knows exactly what Wynonna is capable of, PAIN. This game was supposed to be two hand touch, but Wynonna had already found a way to break two firefighter’s noses in the first half. No one was looking forward to covering her. 

Noticing the team wincing, Ewan snaps “Focus up. This is the plan: Charlie, Joe, and Carl you’re on the line. Earp, I want you covering your sister she can hit like a freight train but she’s got the attention span of a puppy. GET. IN. HER. HEAD.”

“Yes, Cap!” Waverly says urgently. Hoping her quick response would cover up the nerves swelling up to the surface. 

Ewan continues, “The rest of you get on everything with a pulse, I don’t want a man free. Alright hands in.”

Their huddle breaks, and the sheriff’s offence is still gathered together 5 yards from the line of scrimmage. Waverly jogs over to the open side of the field where Wynonna had been lined up all game. 

_Breathe, just breathe._ She tells herself. _Whatever Wynonna does to you right now will never be worse than grape soda torture when we were kids._

The sheriff’s huddle finally breaks, but something’s off. Wynonna is staying back behind the Center getting ready to take the snap and Nicole is now heading to Wynonna’s receiver’s spot. 

Waverly wide eyed thinks, _those SHIT TICKETS. They’ve switched. They must have some sort of trick play._

Waverly’s mind starts racing to figure out how to approach the situation, but she gets lost in an instant watching Nicole confidently jog towards her. Nicole’s beautiful hair flawlessly tucked into her sheriff’s department headband, like she hadn’t just played three straight quarters of intense football, her short wavy reddish brown hair sticking out the back of the headband bouncing in rhythm with her steps as she slowed down to get into position. 

Ever since Nicole had come to Purgatory and joined that Sheriff’s department, Waverly had been inexplicitly drawn to her. Waverly didn’t want to call it a crush, but every time she had spoken before to Nicole (which was a much fewer and far between than Waverly would have liked) she felt like she was in High School again filled with butterflies madly fluttering in her stomach trying to escape. She had never met someone so fearless, with so much confidence it border lined swagger, but at the same time be so effortlessly gentle and kind. She had never felt this way about someone before. Nicole terrified Waverly. She had spent weeks trying to find the courage to say or do something about it. 

As Nicole settled up to the offensive side of the line, legs in a runners stance, and hands and arms out at the ready, Nicole looks up at Waverly with arrogant dimpled smile. Almost as though she knew she had already won the game. With her knees slightly weak from the redhead’s alarmingly effective smile, something clicks in Waverly. 

_Not this year Officer Haught._ Waverly thinks. _I don’t care how devastatingly attractive you think you are. We’re going home with that trophy tonight._

Ewan’s voice yelling from across the field snaps Waverly back to gravity of where and what she is doing.

“Stick to the plan, Earp! Nothing’s changed, just a new target.” He says looking at Nicole, and then winking at Waverly. 

Nicole huffs air out her nose shaking her head at Ewan. 

Waverly looks back at Nicole, and momentary panic set in. _WAIT. Cap wants me to distract Nicole!?_

Interrupting her train of thought, Waverly hears the referee’s whistle blow, signaling the clock to start 

**0:08 seconds turn to 0:07.**

Waverly urgently thinking to herself. _God how am I going to distract her?! I’ve barely talked to her. I don’t know how to do this, this is Wy’s thing._

Trying to mentally channel her uniquely unorthodox sister. Waverly quickly repeats _whatwouldWydowhatwouldWydowhatwouldWydowhatwouldWydo._

It dawns on Waverly. 

FLIRT. Wynonna would flirt her way through this. Gathering all of the Earpiest Earp courage she can muster, she looks up at Nicole, whose head is turned listening to Wynonna yell the cadence across the offensive line. 

_Fudge nuggets, I’m actually doing this._

**Clock ticks down 0:06...0:05…**

“Hey Haught, is that just your name or warning label?” Waverly says smiling at the red head in front of her. 

Nicole’s full attention on Waverly now, wide eyed and startled, she stutters, “w-what??” 

Waverly surprised, smiles back thinking, _shit it’s working._

“Sorry was that too forward Officer?” She says sheepishly, “I just figured the Deputy with the best…*motioning to her breasts with her hands* HAIR in the Ghost River County might come with a warning label.”

Nicole’s jaw drops in complete disbelief. _Did the girl voted nicest person in Purgatory just hit on me and in the middle of the game? WAIT is Waverly gay? Or Bi?_

She was distracted so much in her gay panic that she doesn’t notice Lonnie, the center, snap Wynonna the ball. Or when Wynonna quickly turns and throws the ball straight for her head. 

**..0:04..**

Still staring at Waverly, Nicole hears Wynonna yell, “HAUGHT!!” Nicole turns but it’s too late the ball hits Nicole in the temple and bounces up into the air. 

Nicole wincing from the impact holds the side of her head as the ball falls right into Waverly’s hands. 

Everything around Waverly seemed to quiet and go into slow motion. She looked over at Ewan, screaming and motioning her to run. 

And that’s what Waverly did. She ran and she ran fast. She side stepped Nicole who was just now putting together everything that just happened in that last second and headed straight for the end zone. This by her estimation was 80 yards away on the other side of the field. 

**..0:03...0:02…**

Running as hard and as fast as she could Waverly breaks away from the whole Purgatory Sheriff department team now on the defensive chasing after her. Her sister had always told her she was built like a tiny amazon, but it wasn’t until this moment that she really felt like it. Briefly checking over her shoulder she starts to think she’s in the clear as she crossing the 50 yard line. Until she hears steady breathing of some distinctly feminine getting closer, without breaking stride or momentum Waverly peeks one more time her shoulder and sees the stern concentrated face of one gorgeous read head closing in on her out running all other deputies and firefighters desperately trying to keep up.

_GOD DAMN those amazing legs of hers._ Waverly laments. In one of Nicole’s long strides it takes Waverly two. Waverly doesn’t want to admit it but Nicole is gaining on her and fast. 

**…0:01……0:00…**

The scoreboard siren wails signaling end of the fourth quarter, but the games not over until the ref blows the whistle.

Coming up on the 25 yard line, Waverly can’t look back again. Desperately trying to find the next gear to shift her body into and make it to the end zone. She has to score and end it here. Willing herself forward more she finds a way to pick up her pace. Nicole’s breathing becomes louder and Waverly can feel the thuds of her footsteps quickly coming up on her raising the hairs on the back of Waverly’s neck fearing she might not be able to make it the end zone.

_FUCK!_ Waverly pants. _I HAVE to get it. There’s no more time left._

Bounding over the 10 yard line, Waverly can feel Nicole close enough to start to try and grab at the Purgatory Fire shirt she has cut into a crop top. Wiggling just out of reach after a few more strides, Waverly looks down she’s less than 5 yards to Victory. 

Closing her eyes, Waverly jumps leaping forward stretching out her arms and legs as far as she can. 

Following suit Nicole leaps forward behind Waverly with grabbing a hold of her hoping to pull her down before she can cross the threshold. 

Angling downward, the ball securely in Waverly’s hands, she hits the ground, rolling on her shoulder then on her side finally cradled over as Nicole lands just over her tangled up in Waverly’s legs slowly rolling away as the inertia of the fall leaves them sprawled out on the cold dewy grass. 

The first thing Waverly hears before opening her eyes, is the cheers from the crowd. 

Then it’s the shrill Referees’ whistles.

Opening her eyes she sees the white hat ref, Juan Carlo, both arms stretched straight up in the air signaling. Touchdown.  
She did it. Purgatory Fire had won. She had won. Waverly Earp, winner of football games. 

Before she could say anything Ewan, Charlie and the rest of the firefighters had her lifted up on their shoulders chanting Probie, Probie, Probie!! As much as Waverly hated the moniker she smiled and enjoyed boys recognizing her, proud of her, and Ewan for trusting her. But she thinks he would have to be the head of some secret Order to prophesize an ending like that.

******

_What. Just. Happened._

Nicole questioned still siting with her butt on the grass in the end zone in bewilderment as she watches Waverly get carted away like a war hero by those meat head firefighters, for the first time tonight starting to feel the cold fall air seeping into her skin. 

Wynonna shoving her way through the crowd of Purgatory citizens flooding the field, saunters up to Nicole pulling a small flask out of her bra taking a sip before offering it to her teammate sitting on the ground. Nicole doesn’t move still stunned by events moments earlier. Wynonna pulls another drag from the flask and puts it back in her bra, then parks herself on the ground next to Nicole as the citizens’ move around them like boulders in the stream on their way out of the stadium.

“Naughty Haughty, don’t you know you’re supposed to catch the ball with your hands not your face right?” Wynonna asks as she jabs Nicole with her elbow. 

The jab pulls Nicole back from replaying the last couple minutes in her head, trying to figure out how the younger Earp sister completely shook the cool calm collected Deputy Haught. 

Nicole elbows Wynonna back, “Oh, go eat a dick Wy”.

“Aww maybe later, that firefighter Charlie was looking pretttyyy good..” Wynonna trails off looking over at the muscled firefighter taking off his shirt next to the engine and purrs. 

“But first, you’re gonna buy me and the rest of the squad a drink for losing the game for us.” She says smirking.

“Yea I guess I had that coming.” Nicole groans as she gets back up on her feet. “I’ll meet you guys at Shorty’s, I have to go rinse off before I can face those hose draggers at the bar.”

“Speaking of hose…” Wynonna mumbles as she turns around and starts making her way to the fire truck Charlie is currently standing by. 

As Nicole makes her way over to the Purgatory high locker room to wash the dirt and to be honest the embarrassment off of herself, Wynonna yells back at her from across the field waving a small dark blue square, “Don’t worry Haughtstuff I won’t run your tab too much!” 

It doesn’t take Nicole long to squint and realize it’s HER wallet in Wynonna’s hand. She had snatched it from her gym bag before taking off after the firefighters on their way to Shorty’s.

Nicole sighs “Yep I guess I probably deserved that too”. 

Letting her mind wander as she picks herself up, _if only I wasn’t too fucking gay to function, then a pretty girl in a crop top with maybe the tightest abs I’ve ever seen, wouldn’t completely derail me. Come on get it together Haught. Looks like it’s gonna be a cold shower before the bar tonight._

***

As Nicole gets closer to the gym locker room, she starts to hear what sounds like music coming from behind the door, muffled by the old heavy steel door slightly agape. What pulls Nicole’s attention away from trying to figure what song is blaring in the locker room is the steam slowly seeping out from the bottom of the door. Curiosity peaked, Nicole quietly as possible opens the door the rest of the way. Not as though she would be heard since as soon as the door opens she is hit with a blast of Michael Jackson roaring from a small speaker sitting on the bench across from the open showers pumping out waves of steam and heat.

As much Nicole appreciates the King of Pop, she’s currently more interested in the sweet silky voice harmonizing along with him. She’s fixated on the voice as she steps closer to the shower entrance to see who’s singing, as they continue to sing the chorus..

_“Just kiss me baby_  
And tell me twice  
That you're the one for me  
The way you make me feel  
The way you make me feel  
You really turn me on  
You really turn--” 

The singing stops abruptly, as Waverly, hair down still wet from the shower with nothing but fuzzy pink towel wrapped around her, turns the corner coming face to face with Nicole, freezes in place. Both staring at each other wide eyed, Nicole eyes can’t help but track down at the tanned toned arms and legs on full display. 

_How did I not know Waverly was built like a tiny sexy amazon?? Oh crap I’m staring. I need to say something. SHIT. Haught, don’t be perv. Make sentences, SAY SOMETHING WOMAN._

“ehh..You know you’re.a..lucky your sister basically gave me a concussion, otherwise I totally would have caught you out there”, Nicole finally stammers out trying to sound confident. 

Waverly’s eyes narrow, in a way she’s only ever seen Wynonna do, like when Lonnie takes the last donut in the break room, pure Earp rage and determination. 

_Oh god,_ Nicole laments, _what have I done._

Waverly huffs, “Wow soo competitive, Officer Haught”. Turning away from Nicole, continuing to dry her hair, as she walks back to her lockers, “I beat you fair and square. It’s obvious, the deputies just can’t keep up with us Firefighters in our peak physical condition seeing as all you guys do is chase donuts all day.” 

_How is she still so attractive when she’s so mad?_

“Soo Cocky…” Nicole tries to say under her breath as she follows Waverly over to the lockers to change. 

But Waverly hears her and fires back, “Don’t you have a maple bar you need to be harassing right now?”

“Isn't there a kitten stuck in a tree somewhere you need to be rescuing?” Nicole retorts. 

Nicole wants to mean the all the stupid cop and fire trash talk she throwing back in forth with Waverly, but she can’t help but let the smallest smile come over her face. She’s never had her match been made like this before. She’s never been stopped completely in her tracks. Waverly Earp is something to be reckoned with, and she wants to be first in line to go toe to toe. It goes silent for a minute as Nicole tries to think of want to say next, not wanting this conversation to end. She can hear Waverly zipping up her bag getting ready to leave the locker room. Nicole turns to Waverly on the other side of the lockers; they both speak at the same time,

“Waver-“

“Office-“

They both stop, and Nicole starts again,” Nicole, you can call me Nicole. I was just going to see if you were going to Shorty’s? Per the bylaws of this sacred grudge match we hold each year, I owe you a drink and I’d like to make good on that”.

Nicole waiting for her response she can see Waverly smile as she picks her bag up and lifts it over shoulder; it’s brighter than all the stadium lights outside. And it’s the best thing Nicole’s ever seen. 

“Well, Nicole…” Waverly pauses, “I won’t want to break any laws now would I? I’ll meet you there.” 

As she’s passing Nicole on her way out of the locker room, Waverly gives her a sly smile, “I’ll be the one with the big ass trophy.”

Nicole shakes her head, and thinks _maybe losing to the firefighters isn’t so bad._


	2. Kiss with a Fist is Better than None

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Purgatory's Bravest and Finest get drunk in a roadhouse bar?

Waverly’s cheeks hurt, she couldn’t stop smiling. 

Her mind going about as fast as she was tearing out the of the Purgatory High School Parking lot, in her red Jeep Wrangler blasting Florence + the Machine, everything from the night so far finally hitting her. 

_Holy. Balls. NICOLE REALLY FRIGGIN’ HAUGHT. Totally wants to buy me a drink. Cool. Cool. Cool. Play it cool, play it cool, you’re an Earp. You are a BAD ASS, football playing, lifesaving firefighter EARP and possibly THE most attractive woman you have ever seen wants to buy you a drink…_

Slowly putting the pieces together _...at Shorty’s…where my boss…half the department…and my very probably highly intoxicated sister is GREAT._

Waverly sighs and says out loud, “Yep, nothing could possibly go wrong…”

***

Waverly hears the music blasting from Shorty’s before she even turns the corner. Brassy bluesy guitars and twangy country beats. Doc upgraded the sound system earlier this summer, and she swears on a quiet night, she can hear it from the Homestead.

Past the few smokers outside, Waverly opens the bar’s double doors to a sea of dark blue and Khaki. Except for Wynonna who is leaning over the pool table, lining up a shot, in skin tight acid wash jeans and her fringed leather jacket. 

Surveying the rest of the bar, Waverly can see that even through the haze of the music and booze there are clear territories drawn. Cops have claimed tables in front of the room and the pool table, and Firefighters are occupying the jukebox and dance floor. The only place they seems to be cohabitating is the bar front, waiting for Doc and Rosita to fill beer pitchers and trays of shots. 

Waverly makes her way through the crowd and slides up to the opening behind the bar.

“Rosie!” Waverly shouts impatiently, “Rosie! ...ROSITA!!”

While flipping two tequila bottles over filling up multiple shot glasses at once, Rosita looks over her shoulder and smiles, “Well isn’t it the woman of the hour! Took you long enough to get here cutie.”

Waverly smiles back, “…I ahh…got a little distracted. But Rosie I need your emergency stash, like stat.”

Rosita smirks, “Distracted huh? Just like that redhead I heard you ran over on your way to the end zone?”

Waverly trying to hide her blush, “please I promise to tell you everything tomorrow after my shift, but please please please I really do need it, I swear!” 

Rosita laughs turning back to the people waiting, “It’s behind the banana liqueur!”

“I totally owe you one!” Waverly says, turning to surprisingly well used Banana liqueur bottles on the shelf beside her. 

Waverly looking a little closer at the bottle, _Made in Greenland? What the… Who even drinks this stuff?_

Bewildered, Waverly reaches behind the bottles and sees a folded paper grocery bag. Inside is Rosita’s emergency crop top, shorts, and make up bag for when the seemingly “possessed” beer tap so lovingly nicknamed Maeve, decides to explode all over the place. 

Waverly grabs the bag, and runs to the bathroom to change before Nicole gets there, hopefully. With Rosita’s clothes, a fresh application of some mascara, and a quick pep talk in the mirror. Waverly finally feels ready to take whatever the Deputy is going to throw at her. 

She steps out of the bathroom and immediately notices that even though she was in there for no more than 15 minutes, the level of intoxication in the bar has gone up quite significantly. 

“BABYGIRL!! When did you get here?!” Wynonna yells slightly slurring turning around and pointing “Hey guys that’s my sister and she kicked your asses tonight!” 

“Wynonna…she kicked your ass too, or are you too drunk to remember?” 

Wynonna takes a pull from her whiskey, “Stupid Carl, don’t be salty because I keep taking your money.” 

Carl flustered, “Double or nothing Earp! This time I break”.

“Carl...you might not want to d-“ Waverly starts, before Wynonna cuts her off, “sshhushh babygirl, if the man wants to have his hard earned dollars come live with me, let ‘em”. 

Waverly shaking her head laughing, “Stupid Carl…”, and walks away towards the jukebox.

Browsing through the songs she’s looked at over and over again, hoping for something new to magically appear, she hears someone walking up behind her.

“So, where’s the big ass trophy?”

Behind her, perfect wavy auburn curls frame the most heart melting pair of dimples she has ever seen, Nicole was holding a glass of white wine and tumbler of whiskey. Waverly can’t help but smile back up at the smug redhead wearing a pair of midnight blue jeans and a grey Purgatory Sheriff V-neck, offering her both glasses. 

Waverly momentarily stuck in her daze, her whole body feels flushed, like the temperature in the bar went up 10 degrees and she’s suddenly dying of thirst, trying to come up with some smart retort, before Nicole continues talking again. 

“Sorry-I should have asked what you wanted but,” Nicole looking directly into Waverly’s eyes, “when I see something I want, I don’t want to wait…Plus Rosita said white wine was your favorite.”

Waverly takes the wine glass from her hand, “Looks like you did your research well”

“Oh I’m very thorough.” Nicole flashes her dimples brighter than ever, “shall we cheers?”

As both girls reach to clink their glasses together, a loud THUD tears threw the bar. 

“THAT’S BULLSHIT WYNONNA, YOU SCRATCHED I SAW YOU!” Carl yells, slamming his beer on the pool table. 

“CARL, you’re drunk. I hit that ball clean into the corner pocket, just like I’m gonna hit you if you don’t shut your hick mouth.” Wynonna warns as she stalks around the table to Carl’s side lining up her next shot. 

Carl slurring, “I’m not scared of you bitch!” Just as Wynonna leans down to shoot, Carl takes a wild drunken swing at Wynonna completely missing her, swinging over her head landing his fist square in the back of Big Larry. A silence falls over the bar as Big Larry turns around slowly. A cruel smile crawls across Big Larry’s lips as he punches up into Carl’s chin. The punch throws Carl back so hard his whole body twists and lands on the pool table behind him, spitting out blood and a tooth on the bright green felt. 

Almost giddy, Wynonna jumps on the pool table over Carl and yells, “FFIIGHHT!!” And like gas to the flame, tension in the room breaks and firefighters start getting shoved into deputies, deputies start throwing punches, drink glasses break as a couple of Shorty’s regulars start seizing the opportunity to steal bottles from behind the bar. 

“Oh BALLS, Wynonna’s gone all Wynonna again” Waverly says side stepping a couple girls fleeing the chaos. 

“I’ll go get her, rain check on the rest of that drink?” Nicole asks optimistically.

“Rain check definitely,” Waverly says reaching out touching Nicole’s hand. Immediately noticing how soft and warm she is. “But I should go get Carl before he stains the pool table again”. The two depart reluctantly into the pseudo-mosh pit enveloping the area surrounding the other Earp sister.

Wynonna still standing on the table reveling in the chaos, egging on those still fighting and occasionally kicking Carl, gets her legs swept out from underneath her as Nicole unceremoniously throws Wynonna over her shoulder and carries her out of the bar. 

“Ugh…come on Wy,”Nicole huffs, “I’m getting you outta here before we both get fired or worse Dolls finds out and he has both our asses” 

“Pfffhhh come on Haught! It was just getting good.” Wynonna whines.

That’s all Waverly can hear as she watches Nicole go up the steps and she kicks the double doors open disappearing out the front. 

As Waverly turns to grab Carl still bleeding all over the table, she hears Doc yell frantically from behind the bar, “Sheriff! Please a little help here? Half my saloon is already destroyed”.

Sheriff Nedley, displeased at the interruption, downs the rest of his bourbon as a low inaudible growl leaves his lips.

The distinctive sound of a shot gun racks.

BOOM. 

Tiny pellets splatter the ceiling.

“Grab ass is over, folks.” Nedley bellows holding the shotgun on his hip pointed up. “Now you have 5 minutes to get out before I start filling the drunk tank and people start losing more than football games.”

***

Outside the bar, Nicole gets the back door to her cruiser open, and flops the now limp Wynonna in the back seat and slams the door shut. She throws herself into the front seat slightly winded from carrying the dead weight and opens the slider separating the front of the car, from cage in the back.

“Ugghh…”Nicole groans, “You’re lucky I like you Wynonna, I should have just left you there.”

_Then I could be making out in back of the cruiser with Waverly instead of driving your drunk ass home, she thinks._

“Yea, Yea, Yea love you too Haught, now less talking and more music or I’m giving you two stars.” Wynonna says flopping around the back seat trying to get comfortable.  
Nicole shakes her head as she plugs her phone into the jack and pulls up her playlists, she pulls up her throwback playlist and hits shuffle. 

_She’ll pass out in a couple minutes anyways…_

***

After only being on the road a couple minutes Nicole hears huffing and shuffling in the backseat.

Wynonna groans and whines, “This music sucks. Where are the snacks?”

“I don’t have snacks Wy, this is my cruiser, not an Uber.” 

“Worst Uber ever, you’re definitely getting 1 star now. Hand me the AUX cord, I can’t handle this Cranberries bullshit.”

“I like the Cranberries, thank you very much—wait, what are YOU doing?!” Nicole says as Wynonna sticks both her arms through the window separating the back from the front making herself as skinny as possible as she slides head first into the front passenger seat of Nicole’s cruiser. 

“WYNONNA! I’m driving! Stop. Ugh, you can’t just climb-“Nicole says struggling while using her free hand that’s not on the steering wheel to try and push Wynonna back through the tiny window. Nicole’s attempts at trying to stop her failing, Wynonna slips the rest of her torso through the window and flops into the front passenger seat. Head almost hitting the floor board, legs flailing, and her foot finally finds traction on Nicole’s cheek as she twists around to right herself in the bucket seat. 

“OW, fuck. Watch your foot Earp that was my face.” Nicole protests, while rubbing her cheek. 

“Aww, that’s better.” Settling into the seat “Now, where’s your phone?” Wynonna says ignoring Nicole’s complaints, rummaging through the cup holders and quickly scooping up the phone daggling from the cord at her feet immediately starting to swipe through Nicole’s music. 

“Country, NO. Lesbian folk pop, really Haught? That’s a NO.” Wynonna declares grimacing through the rest of the playlists on Nicole’s phone.

“Ok now what do we have here?? Plead the Fifth playlist? What are you trying to hide in here Haughty?” Wynonna teases wiggling the phone just out of reach of Nicole’s arm desperately trying to grab the phone back. 

“Wy! No not that-“Nicole begs.

But before Nicole can do anything to stop her, Wynonna hits shuffle play and the sound of people cheering and Elle King’s voice comes over the car stereo.

_“If you don’t wanna hear a filthy song, get the fuck out please-“_

Wynonna’s eyebrows shoot up and her eyes grow wide and excited, like Nicole just confessed to her she can start fires with her mind.

“Don’t judge me.” Nicole pleads. 

“I will judge you.” Wynonna smirks, “Judge you unexpectedly, AWESOME.”

And just like that, Wynonna cranks the volume dial all the way over, and starts belting out the rest of Elle King’s live cover of My Neck, My Back. 

_“All you ladies pop yo' pussy like this  
Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss-“_

Still a little in disbelief Wynonna didn’t immediately make fun of her, Nicole laughs and watches her friend, mean mug, pointing, and rapping to invisible crowd in front of her.

_“My neck, my back_  
Lick my pussy and my crack-  
My neck, my back  
Lick my pussy and my crack” 

Pulling down the drive way to Homestead almost to the lynch gate, Nicole finally joins in for the last verse, remiss to the fact that if she can’t enjoy her dirty little secret playlist of filthy raps song covers and terrible boy bands with her best friend, who else can she?

_“Real thug, better satisfy me  
Try me, player, I'll make you see”_

Nicole grabs the mic to the outside loudspeaker on her cruiser, and yells into the quiet empty prairie night, _“DEM BITCHES AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME!”_

Wynonna cracks up laughing, doubling over in her seat. Eventually turning the music down wiping the tears from her eyes, “And just when I thought there weren’t any more surprises in you Haught”.

Finally pulling up to the front the old house, headlights illuminating the front porch of the Homestead, Nicole puts the car in park.

“Oh you have no idea Earp.” Nicole laughs. Trying to sound all nonchalant she continues, “Sooo um…speaking of surprises. Your sister really got me tonight. Like what’s her deal? Is she…umm? I mean she hangs out with all those muscle head jock firefighters, but I know her and Rosita are close...”

Brows furrowed Wynonna looks at her, with her head tilted. “Haughtstuff are you asking me what my sister likes to take home at the all you can eat Mexican food buffet?”

Nicole completely baffled, “Wait, the what? No I was just-“

“Let me put it in a way you might understand.” Wynonna says cutting her off, “I myself enjoy the BIG beefy burritos, something that will have me walking funny after. You my friend are a Taco Tuesday kind of gal. But well you see, Waverly, she’s a Combo Platter #B girl. B as in both, she likes both the tacos and burritos. Make sense?”

“I mean yeah, weirdly yes it does, I think?"

“Good. Damn, now I’m craving nachos.” Wynonna declares. 

Just as Wynonna goes to open the passenger door, her phone starts vibrating with a text message from Dolls.

**X. Pamela Dolls (lizard/fire emoji): Heard you and Nicole drank Shorty’s dry tonight. Good thing you’ll be hydrated. PT starts at 0630.**

“Fuck, how does he always know!?” Wynonna shouts. “If he’s making me get up before the ass crack of dawn YOU’RE coming with me.” 

Nicole groans and lets her head fall into the middle of steering wheel, causing the horn blare in frustration. 

_If Dolls kills us tomorrow, at least I’ll die knowing Waverly likes tacos._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special shout out to my girlfriend who put up with me listening to My Neck, My Back on repeat while I wrote this chapter. 
> 
> Link to Elle King's song:  
> https://youtu.be/VZgg9SIWfI0
> 
> Link to Florence + the Machine song:  
> https://youtu.be/1SmxVCM39j4


	3. Ain't No rest for the Wicked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the Purgatory Fire Department, the job doesn't end when they go to sleep.

BBBRRIINNNG. BBBRRINNNG. BBBRRINNNG. BBBRRINNNG.

Eyes still desperately trying to remain closed shut, Waverly counts in her head, _four. That’s four rings. Medical aid._

Then the lights come on. The terrible, god awful, fluorescent lights, made by some sadistic shit ticket designed to make the room go from midnight to noon in zero seconds flat, Waverly hates the lights. The only thing she hates more at this moment is probably Stupid Carl getting so drunk and thinking he could fight Wynonna and now she’s stuck covering for him at the station. Everyone told her she’d get used to waking up like this, but it’s been a couple months now and it's still the worst. Two hours of sleep that’s enough time to be a functioning firefighter right? With one eye open on the edge of the bed, she flips over and THUD!

“Ooowww..why is that so close..ugh..everytime…” she whispers to her herself rubbing the side of her head glaring at the tiny nightstand too close to the dorm bed.

The dorm can feel bleak sometimes, only one of the two twin beds ever occupied, only one of the mismatched dressers filled. It’s a little lonely, being the only woman, but it beats having to listen to the cacophony of snores erupting from the guys in the men’s dorm.

Dispatch comes over the station loud speaker. “Engine 52 respond. Medical Aid at 1-1-2-4 North Main Street. Caller reports patient is experiencing chest pains and difficulty breathing. Be advised. Patient is elderly and located on the second floor of the building.”

Waverly grabs the waist band of dark blue 5.11 duty pants sitting on the floor next to her bed, perfectly positioned so she can slip her legs quickly threw her pants and straight into her boots. Buttoning her pants, she hears Ewan squawking back on the handheld radio she is pretty positive he spoons with every night, “Copy that. Engine 52 responding. Code 2”.

Running out the dorm room hastily tucking her shirt in and into the engine bay, Waverly wonders, _1124 North Main...why does that sound so familiar?_

“SADDLE UP Probie, Bunny doesn’t like to be kept waiting!” Ewan yells from the driver seat of the engine making no effort to hide the smile growing on his lips.

Waverly sighs heaving herself up into the backseat of rig, “Oh balls.”

The red and white flashing lights of the light bar on top of the fire engine and the orange glow of the street lights outside the house is the only thing illuminating the north side of Main Street at 0433. Located on the side of the antique shop below in the small alleyway between the buildings, a weather-worn wooden staircase leads up to the second floor. Waverly looks up to the top of the staircase, the light is on and the door is slightly ajar but she can hear shouting inside. Grabbing her EMT pack from compartment three on the side of the rig, and following Ewan up the stairs two steps at a time. The closer she gets to the top of the stairs she starts to discern the shouting as two distinct voices.

Purgatory’s long standing City Council member Bunny Loblaw whining and moaning, which to any non-Purgatorian would sound closer to a tortured cat than a human woman, and the panicked whimpering of Bunny’s nephew and Waverly’s high school ex-boyfriend, Champ Hardy.

“Champ, my sweet boy, I think this is it…” Bunny sighs lying on the floor of her living room. “It’s very important you listen to me though sweetie,”

Pulling Champ by the collar closer to her face, she grits out before falling back theatrically on the floor, “Don’t you DARE let them use that picture of me from the Christmas party for the funeral. It has to be from the cruise. “

“Ohh god, Auntie, noo you can’t leave me!” Champ cries out, “Who’s gonna do my laundry?!”

Waverly was pretty sure she had seen less dramatic performances on Days of Our Lives, as she and Ewan watched the scene play out from the doorway entrance. Ewan must have heard her eyes rolling, because he turned around expectantly, “alright Probie, let’s go, start the leads & get the vitals going.”

Waverly took a deep breath as she slid past Ewan and put on her best “Nicest Person in Purgatory” smile. As Ewan grabbed Champ by the shoulders and ushered him to the other room to get his statement, Waverly dropped her EMT bag and knelt down next to Bunny.

As pleasantly as possible Waverly calmly addresses her, “Hi, Ms. Loblaw, I don’t know if you remember me but I’m Firefighter Earp. If you lay still for me I can start taking some vitals and we can see what’s goin’ on.”

Bunny huffed, “I know who you are Waverly…You’re the little tart that broke my Champ’s heart. And now you’re running around Purgatory pretending to be a fireman. ”

Waverly breathes in and bites her tongue to keep from speaking, as she continues to stick the monitors to this squirming woman’s chest and the blood oxygen sensor on her finger.

“I mean it’s right there in the name sweetheart, Fire-MAN. As in it’s a man job.” Bunny said with a sick smile growing on her face.

_She is just trying to get under your skin. Just tune her out._

“Ok Ma’am I need to take your blood pressure now, can you lift your arm up for me?” Waverly asked mustering as much fake sincerity as possible.

As Bunny begrudgingly lifted her arm, Waverly slipped the blood pressure cuff around it. She could hear Jeremy’s voice come over Ewan’s radio in the other room. Jeremy and Robin were returning back from the Big City after transporting some patrons of the Shorty’s bar fight earlier that night to the Hospital.

Just when Waverly was about to futilely ask Bunny to try and stay still, she jerked her arm away from Waverly and clutched her chest.

“Oh lord…it hurts! This is it!” Bunny cried. “What are you some kind of IDIOT EARP?! Do something I’m dying here!”

Waverly scrambled, trying to wrestle the woman on to her back so she could administered some kind of aid when Bunny stopped struggling. Ewan and Champ had walked back into the room as Bunny got wide eyed and let out the loudest burp or fart Waverly had ever heard. Waverly wasn’t sure what end it came from but it sounded closer to a bear roar or a freight train then any kind of stomach rumble.

“Ma’am, are you-“Waverly started.

She was cut off before she could finish, as Bunny jumped up grabbing her back side scrambling down the hallway, “Ohh. PFFRRT! LORD. PFFRT! Please. PFFRT! Make. PFFRT! It. Stop. PFFRT!” Bunny hollered unable to stop herself from continuing to pass gas all the way to the bathroom.

Waverly was barely holding her laughter back as she watched Champ starting to gag at the smell now filling the Loblaw residence. Ewan patted Champ on the shoulder, “looks like it’s not a heart attack after all buddy, I think you got it from here.” He then grabbed his radio, “Engine 52 to dispatch, we’re code 4.”

The walk back to the engine was quiet as they loaded their gear back up, and it wasn’t until Ewan turned the starter over on the giant diesel engine that he finally started laughing and looked over at Waverly and asked, “You sure you still wanna be a firefighter Probie?”

Waverly smiled, “Hell yes, sir”

* * *

 

“I. HATE. RUNNING.” Wynonna panted between each step. “I would rather clean Bobo Del Rey’s dirty ass trailer in a French maid costume than do this shit any longer.”

“French Maid costume, Earp? Didn’t take you for the role playing type” Dolls shouts as he runs shirtless passed Wynonna and Nicole huffing their way into Downtown at the end of their 5 mile PT run.

“It’s 0720 we’re making good time ladies. Home stretch, just back to the station and we’re done.” Dolls yelled back to them as he took off left towards the police department.  
“Stupid sexy Dolls…need Donuts…Can’t make it..” Wynonna whined.

Nicole shook her head and laughed, “Tell Dolls I’ll meet up with you guys later. I’m just gonna run straight home. I hate the department showers anyways.”

_Plus if I run home from here I can go by the firehouse on my way,_ Nicole muses.

“If I die, this is on you Tater Haught” Wynonna howled as Nicole turned right towards the Firehouse and her house of course.

As Nicole got closer to the Firehouse she could see the Engine bay doors were up and one of the trucks was pulled out, parked in front of the open door. Water was running down the drive way and into the gutter on the street as the big red truck sparkled bright enough to blind her as she continued closer. It wasn’t until she was within a block of the firehouse that Nicole realized who was washing the fire truck and at that point it was too late, because before her on full display were the muscular tanned arms and legs of one Waverly Earp. Waverly was standing on the front bumper of the Fire truck washing the windows unaware of Nicole seemingly creeping on her like some horny frat boy.

“That tank top cannot be regulation.” Nicole practically whined.

Nicole crossed the street and started to make her way in front of the firehouse, still unnoticed by Waverly. When the unthinkable happened, Waverly still cleaning the front of the fire truck bent over and started cleaning the bell on the bumper.

Then everything went black.

Waverly’s perfect butt was the last thing Nicole saw before her head started throbbing and she was suddenly looking up at Waverly from her back on the hard concrete sidewalk.

“OFFICER HAUGHT. OFFICER HAUGHT CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?”

“Oooowwwwww….” Is all Nicole can manage to say as Waverly suddenly breathes a sigh of relief.

“Oh Nicole are you ok? How’s your head?... I’m just washing the 52, and then I hear this loud WHACK, and I look over and you’re on the ground. I think you may have accidentally ran into the pole.” Waverly explains poorly hiding her smile and slight giggle.

“Well that explains why my head hurts so bad” Nicole finally says.

“Oh geeze, let me grab my med bag and check you out. Not like check you out, out, just like check you out medically. Cause you know, I’m an EMT” Waverly says scrambling back to the Engine to grab her EMT bag.

Nicole would probably laugh at how “professional” Waverly is being right now if it wasn’t for the fact that she literally ran into a street sign cause she was checking out the other girl. As she watches Waverly grab her EMT bag from the engine she can see Waverly grab her phone and make a call.

“Jeremy, I got an officer down here in front of the station. I need you to check for possible concussion. What officer? It doesn’t matter. Just get down here. The Ambulance Barn is literally behind the station, you could walk here. I DON’T CARE if you and Robin are watching She-Ra! Get your BUTT over here! “Waverly says before clicking the phone off.

“You didn’t need to call an Ambulance, I swear I’m-“Nicole starts to explain.

“Stop. It’s fine, Jeremy is the paramedic on duty. He’s also my best friend. He’s just gonna check to make sure you don’t have a concussion.” Waverly says with a smile that Nicole swears if she wasn’t already on the ground it would have brought her to her knees.

It wasn’t 5 minutes later that Jeremy comes walking up from behind the firehouse with Robin following suit still sipping coffee from a mug.

“Alrighty let’s see what we got here” Jeremy says flashing a small light in Nicole’s eyes. Jeremy goes through all the usual tests, checks her eyes, head, asks her the typical concussion protocol questions, even checks the rest of her vitals for good measure. This isn’t the first time Nicole has bumped her head. She’s had a concussion before; she knows this isn’t a concussion.

Jeremy stands up and looks at Waverly, and shrugs his shoulders, “Waves looks like-“

Waverly cuts him off, “Jeremy, are you sure? Cause you didn’t do the other test...”

Jeremy looks back at her dumb founded, “The other test? Waves I did all-“

Waverly stares at him more sternly, her voice going a little bit higher, “JEREMY, you know the last test we do to make sure…”

It finally seeming to hit Jeremy what Waverly was asking, “OHH, ohh that test. Yes of course Waverly THAT test.”

Jeremy flashes his little flashlight in Nicole’s eyes one more time, gropes the bump forming on her forehead and then stands up.

“Yep, it’s a concussion; she’s definitely going to need to be under observation for the next couple hours.” Jeremy declares.

Waverly’s almost giddy but trying to act cool, “Oh well I’m about to get off, I was just covering part of Carl’s shift anyway. I could observe you, if you want. You know, better safe than sorry.”

Nicole gulped, “Safety first.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact: When I played Women's tackle football, my teammate at the time actually did hit on the opposing team's wide receiver in the middle of the game trying to distract her.


End file.
